Re : Which am I..??

A poem to share with all.......

******************

I watched them tear a building down;
A gang of men in a busy town.
With a mighty heave and lusty yell,
They swung a beam and a side wall fell.

I said to the foreman, "Are these men skilled
As the men you'd hire if you had to build?
He gave a laugh and said, "No indeed!
Just a common labourer is all I need.
And I can wreck in a day or two
What it took the builder a year to do."

And I thought to myself as I went my way,
"Just which of these roles have I tried to play?
Am I a builder who works with care
Measuring life by the rule and square,
Or am I a wrecker as I walk the town
Content with the labour of tearing down?"

******************

Stop complaining.......

I have a lot of friends who study in colleges now... and many of them have complained that it is so stressful.... there's a lot of pressure..... some even are jealous that us form6 students have this 2 weeks June holidays.... some say that they have to start studying from January while us form6 starts only in May.... So I hereby have something to say to you all.........

STOP COMPLAINING...!!!!!!!!

Complaining about all the stress and pressure is useless... further more... it is the path that you all have chosen to study in colleges.... and stop saying that us form6 don't have any pressure... we will have pressures... it's just not now...... later it will be.....

Everybody have their own pressure, espesially from studies.... but we will just have to cope with it.... find a way to reduce the pressure... in which each people have their very own way of doing so.... whenever we are able to cope with the pressures from whatever source... we grow stronger.. more determined.. and even more mature.......

So, accept it..............

It is a fact of life..........

1 week.....

Okay.... 1 week have passed since.... since 27 of May..... well, in these seven little days... It was a very busy week for me...... and quite a nervous one too.......

First of all.... 28 May, 2.00am... I woke up..... why..? To watch the breath-taking match up between the 2 best football teams in the world... Manchester United VS Barcelona.... even before the match started... everybody in school was talking about it... who will win... who will score.... well... everybody can't wait for this day to come.... and so it finally came.... to wake up at 2.00am in the morning... it wasn't worth it.... come on.. Manchester United was beaten 0-2 by Barcelona.... MAN.... ManU sure played like crap that day..... or was it like 'prawns'...?? they were outran... and certainly outclassed by Barcelona.... or worst... being influenced by the playing style of Barcelona..... Iwas waiting for ManU to beat Barcelona but it happened rather the other way around..... sigh.......

After the not-so-breath-taking match, 28 and 29 May.... in school... I was definitely struggling with what the teachers was teaching about.... I think I'm bout to fail in my form6... nontheless... I will definitely try my best to cope.... as I have written before.... bombarded by question marks...... and can't wait for the school holidays to start..... time sure passes in a slow pace that 2 days....

Then came 30th of May.... Another day of football for me..... It was a saturday.. a usual day for me and my friends to play football together... well, things weren't going as planned... it rain for god's sake.... but we still managed to play for a while..... followed by our school's mini concert... please.... RM12 was not worth it.... but I sure am relieved that I did not stay back to 'enjoy' the whole of it... as I have another interesting match to catch... its Chelsea VS Everton in the FA Cup final...!! yes... Chelsea's the team I support... and they won..... of course it's expected....... They finally lifted a trophy since 2007..... FINALLY......

So skip the next 2 days.... and here comes 2nd of June... A holy big day for me.... It's my car test day... haha.... woke up in the morning around 7am... got myself ready and off I go to the place.... I reached the place around 9am... and guess what.... I only took my test on 1.30pm... DARN.... that's a whole lot of waiting.... but atleast I passed my test... got my 'P' licence now.... hehe..... It was so much easier than I had expected...... though I still have my parent's test to pass... and it will be a long time to pass it..... sigh..........

So here I am afterthat.... 3rd of June or is it 4th of June.... no matter that..... I can now enjoy my holiday... and believe you me....
that I will always be here to crap......
and I will never ever stop crapping........

thank you..........................

Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock..........

Tick tock tick tock......... everyone kept their eyes on their watches...... I was also one of them..... Can't help it.... School is beginning to feel boring... plus, today is the last day before we have our 2-week holiday... yay..!! The moment the bell rang indicating it was the end of school... everybody jumped up in joy...... alast... the torture is over... (well, for 2 weeks...)... better than nothing.... haha......

Some even had their holidays earlier then us..... one of my classmates even flew to Australia few days before..... he missed school for several days.... something my parents will never never ever allow..... sigh.....................

Form6 is a path chosen by many.... as compared to matriculation.... it is definitely an uphill compared to a road, 0 degree to the horizontal....... ie flat road...... it's hard to climb... and in the middle, some may give up climbing.... some may even fall down... Form6 is about quality..... which makes you a better educated person..... but not all are like that... same goes to the matriculation students.... there still exist the cream... to enter prestigeous university... one has to be the top of the creams.... creame de la creame.....(if I'm not mistaken).....

You spend more time in form6 (tick tock tick tock) and time tick-tocks away very quickly.... time is always a factor in finishing and mastering of form6 syllabus.... and often, time is not enough... it's a fact of life.. proven in statistics.....

Time, t=s ..... it's getting tougher and tougher day by day... second by second.....

Sigh....... time is running out........

Tick... tock.... tick.... tock........................... tick..................................................

Bombardment............... by '?????'

Ok, 2 weeks have passed since i entered form6...... yes.... it's only been 2 weeks..... but though it seems like it has been 2 months..... kind of crapping if you think.... going back to school life.... but what the heck, so be it... (life's a crap you know...)

But with just 2 weeks in, I'm starting to doubt my abilities of studying form6... whether will I be able to cope with the syllabus.... 2 weeks... and I have been bombarded by lots and lots of question marks in my brain on both physics and maths subject......... but I will definitely try my best to overcome it...... it's the same... I'm sure everybody feels the same.... ok maybe not everybody... but majority...... if not the minority......... (-_-lll)...... XD

(or maybe it's just me..??) see it's another question mark..!!!!

Syllabus of form6 is so much more complicated and difficult as compared to form5 and form4....... sometimes I feel like punching a person in the face if that person says that form4 and form5 maths and physics are tough......(yeah I'll punch him real hard)..... If there was a time machine.... I'll definitely go back in time and punch ownself first...... those who say that surely have not seen form6 syllabus.......

Can't wait for the holidays to come....... that's when I can get a break from those '????'..... But I may be quite busy then... so who knows...?? the future is uncertain... things won't always go as planned.....

Life is like that..... it craps... and it also sucks.... though that is what makes it interesting and beautiful......... confused..?? here's a question mark to you..... it's a gift.... from me to you... haha.............

Gone...?? one by one....

Ever believed in friends forever..?? this statement... might just be untrue..... Friendship can only be maintained if effort is put into it.... things are being done to bridge the friendship.... otherwise, after a period of time... friendship will bound to fall apart.........

Time flies, lets go to the past.............
ok, I studied in CLHS from form1 to form5... and I must say, I really enjoyed my time there with my friends..... we chat in school, joke around... we share our ups and downs together.... there were several who are very close to me..... it was a beautiful memory....... everything was fine until one day...... the 'day' SPM ended.... it was a day full of joy and tears..... it was the joy of finally ending SPM and the tears of having to separate with our friends.... Our friends which have chosen thier very own path for a better future..... It's hard to cope with it though...... I hate this kind of feeling..... and so, we separated... some went to college, some went to National Sevice, some went overseas and some simply loafing around.... Well, I went for my NS..... again, it was enjoyable and after 2 and a half months, and yet I have to go through the pain of having to separate with my friends again...... from the starting of that 'day'..... one by one... we got separated... one by one they leave us.... and one by one our friendship starts to collapse......

and so to the present.......
currently studying in form6... yeap met some of my old friends..... but i can say a simple majority of my friends have gone some where else.... seldom meet them too.... life goes on, I have my life here.... and they have their lives there.... everybody is just so busy about their own lives now.... although we have modern technologies to help us reignite our friendship, still it is just not enough... It only helps to slow down the process of our friendship from collapsing.........

'back' to the future......
So what happens after form6..? YES.... we get separated again.... my god.... AGAIN..... that means I have to go through all that pain again.... one by one will be gone again... minority may end up in the same university.... but after university.... in the working world, it's the beginning of everything again... new life style and certainly new friends......

New friends should be made and old friends should be kept..... (though sometimes it hard to do so.... but we should try our best to do so.....)

sigh............................................
the moment we meet, there will be a moment where we have to leave each other.......
..........
Where there is a beginning, there will be an ending.........

And the purpose is........

All of mankind holds a power within their hearts..... It is the power of life... This force is fragile, but eternal..... Life begets more life and the cycle continues.... this force is what drives it all.....

So, why are we here...?? What is our purpose of life..?? Why are we born to this life..?? Are we here for some reason..?? or are we just merely a pawn on a chess board played by GOD..?? destined to entertained GOD..??

I believe everybody on Earth have their own purposes of living in this world... I think most people are born to this life in order to make it a better life for others.... for 1 example is like helping each other... this can be counted as one of the many purposes of us living... making the world a better place to live in is another one.....

Somehow.... (I don't know whether will the reader understand or not) we depend on each other in order to fullfill our purposes of life..... Life depends on other life..... and therefore, there will be good lives and the bad ones.... and they exist together.....

People are born with different purposes.... some exist in order to bring out the potential of others.... and some needs the motivation from others to tap into his/her maximum potential.... an example... a begger or an old man sleeping homelessly on the road....(they have their purpose too, you know..) you see, 'someone' will feel pity towards the poor lonely old man.... and because of that scene, that 'someone' will realise, how lucky he/she was... and will try to prevent that same thing from happening to others....(or atleast himself) that is the purpose of this 'someone'.... while for this old man.... unfortunately, his purpose of life is to make this 'someone' realise that luckiness he holds......

thinking on this can be quite a headache........
well, this is life..... accept it..........

It's a real CRAP....man.....

And my MSN is crapping with me again........
Stupid thing, can't even re-install it after uninstalling it....
crap...... and damn...it......
some kind of error 0x00000000 ..... some thing even microsoft website can't help me.... (sad)...

What to do...? so now I'm temporarily using yahoo messenger.......
until further notice, I will be using this until MSN stops crapping with me......
so here is my yahoo address -- tan_kuanwern@yahoo.com
So please add me.....

hahahahahahaha...........

6..........

And then it's time, woke up 6.00am in the morning to get myself ready (though reluctant)..
Same old routine, 1st is wash up, 2nd is wear my school uniform (can't believe I'm wearing that again so soon), 3rd drink up my specially made milo accompanied by one banana... (odd isn't it) hehe.... anyways, at 6.45am, off I go to my new school.... ooops, wait, it's the same old school again... I mean AGAIN...!!! (the school that I have spent my time with for 5 years....)

Here it is .....^^^^^^^

That's right... I'm in Form6 now........

OK, the first day was orientation as will be the 2nd and the 3rd day..... (orientation, like we CLHS boys don't know our school) haha..... we sat in the hall for the whole day except for recess time... where we (my friends and I) had our breakfast... care to guess what we had for our breakfast? haha... it's the same old Koay Tiao Th'ng again.... the food that we have been eating for the past 4 years if, I'm not mistaken..... HAHA...... while we were sitting in the hall which is air-conditioned, ya my friends and I do what we do best of all these years... CRAPPING.....!!!! and joking........ we simply couldn't care less what the teacher was talking in front...... hehehehe..... HEY..! this is me.... I crap a lot... if you don't know me yet.....

So, here it is......
1. Same old routine in the morning.....
2. Same old uniform (except for the white long pants)
3. Same old friends (which I like it)
4. Same old school.....
5. Same old food.........
6. Same old time waiting for my parents to pick me up from school.....

hehehehehehe........

Life........ is just like that....

Mom? Mum? Mother......

It's Mother's Day again..!! So, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY...!!! (well, to all the Mums, of course)..
This is one special day sons and daughters are responsible to celebrate it with their mums...
to show some appreciation what our mothers have done for us...

They sacrificed their time for us..... cared for us all the time......
They are always there whenever you need them........
even when things are going so wrong for you, they will always be there for you, never stopped believing in you.......
and,
also a person who has never stopped loving you.........

Even if one can't afford to celebrate it with their moms or simply just can't make it......
a phone call to one's mother to wish her Happy Mother's Day is all that is needed....... One may feel that it is too simple.... but to one's mom, deep down inside, she feels very happy about it and it means A LOT to her......(even with just a call).....

She tries to give the best for us, and wish little in return......
So, be a good and caring son and daughter by returning her love in any way that is neccesary.......

Happy Mother's Day..........

What is left..........

So, it has been what...? 8 weeks = 56 days since I left my NS camp ( Kem Lagenda Seri Negeri)...

I hate to admit it, but I really do miss my camp, my bed and even my locker..... (-_-''')..
I guess it's really hard to leave a place when you have stayed there for some time....

Maybe it's natural to feel that way......

Back then, I found it really hard to adjust myself to the new environment, having to wake up so early in the morning, without my handphone(my baby), no hot water.... practically nothing luxurious..... Can't expect anything from NS though..... haha..... berkhidmat untuk negara........

So, here is how our dorm looks like(where we sleep)

Yeap, everything is in blue........

During my long spell there at this camp, I learnt a lot and I get to know a lot of new friends..... well, friends is what I miss the most... obviously......... With friends around, it's a different atmosphere totally... We joke around, played together, cared for each other and shared our problems together.... we are so close to one another...... To the extent that it made me personally wonder, the deapth of my friendship with my friends in school(not all, some) was of nothing compared to the deapth of my friendship with my friends from NS..... Imagine, a few years of friendship can't compare itself with just a few months of friendship... haha.... life is a mystery and how crap can it be....???

Some of my friends

Friends is what I miss the most.... Can't help it though..... I think.... I had more fun in NS than when I was in form5.. Hey.. it's not like form5's not fun... it just lack something.... something that NS have and form5 doesn't..... It's hard to describe it..... One will understand only if one has attended NS....

Well, here are some of the pics from NS I took........

Our kem komandan

And... having stayed there fo some time... I now present to you, the best meal that we had.....

tadah.....!!!!!..........

Errmmm... to talk about NS, its infinite to do so....
We have to continue looking foward...
What is left behind, are memories... precious memories, not even diamonds can compare to it..
memories which are kept in still photos, some on short videos....
That is all what we have and that is what is left........

with us... within our hearts........

In the name of GOD/TUHAN/神..???

Hahaa....... who doesn't believe in GOD.?? or whatever you want to call it.....
Well there are definitely some who doesn't believe in it...
There are so many situations where an individual will pray to GOD....
1) One is sick and wants to recover....
2) One wants his loved ones to recover and be safe....(similiar to the above)
3) One wants happiness upon one's life...
4) One wants everything to go as planned or as wished...
5) One is in danger and dire situations...
6) One is going to die..??
and the last but not least
7) One meets an ''Unexpected guest" aka GHOST/spirit or..........(so many)

I have personally seen peolple spending big bugs on praying items....
Some even spend lots of time going to other places far away where people believe the GOD there is somewhat more powerfull...... So why is that...??

I personally feel that GOD is just an imaginative figure created by mankind.....
and they pray to GOD for whatever they want just to obtain temporary peace of mind......
I myself do pray to GOD to whenever I feel unsecure.... can't help it....
GOD is so influencial that it can temporaly calm people's mind.... to the extent of some must pray to GOD to fell safe.......
Well, praying to GOD is not harmfull, perhaps it benifits.... It can create a positive thinking in people which is a plus point, and it does help people psychologically....

So, is GOD real or fake...?
It is just like 1 divided by 3, a problem that can never be solved completely.......

Decisions to be made

In life, we face all sorts of problems and decisions are to be made....
But it's never easy to make a decision.....
We can never determine whether or not a decision is made correctly...
only the person who made that decision knows for himself....

Sometimes it's better to have no choice at all than to have lots of it.....
choices make people headache.... although some prefer to have plenty of choices..
still, generally speaking, choices do more harm than good....

Decision making becomes more and more important as we grow...
As we grow in life, more decisions must be made,
such as "what do I want to study?" or "where to study?" and so many more....
It gets worse when we go out to the real world.....
Challenging it will be.......

That is why we have education..... Education in school days is just not for examinations....
That is what I realised now...... not before but now......
Education is given to us by our parents and through teachers in school,
in order for us to make the right decision for ourselves....
Education allows us to diffrentiate between right and wrong, good and bad, black and white in life....
Thus, educating us to make the best decision at times....

Once a decision is made, regreting it... is useless....
If a decision is made wrongly, be sure to make it right next time or at least a better one....
Looking back at those decisions made wrongly, and learning what went wrong...
can polish one's decision making abilty.....

Decisions will continue to exist in our lives....
Running from it is never an option...........

Justice

Justice..... barely exists in our present world.....
It is us, mankinds own action that defy justice in this world....
Can we achieve total Justice? It is like 1 being devided by 3... you can't get the answer....
Who on Earth can be fair and just enough to satisfy everybodies selfishness?
No.... it is an impossible task......

A very clear example is like a polis case...
Polis.. strive to investigate just so to put those responsible for their sins to justice....
but.... many are still able to run from justice itself....
and those who wants those sinful people to be put to justice pray to GOD...
so that they pay for their wrong doings....
some to the extent of wanting death upon them...
Still... GOD is just an imaginative figure created by mankind.... they know that....
yet, they still pray in order to obtain a temporary peace of mind...

Also, corruption occurs everywhere... many are selfish...
preventing it... is just next to impossible.....
unlike the good old days....
The world so much dirtier now...

' it '

It's a bird
It's a plane.......... no wait, this is wrong....

It is fast...
It is slow.....
It is limitless....
It cannot be bought.....
It never repeats....and......
It can be so cruel sometimes.......
No..................
It is always cruel and cold hearted......

It passes by so fast that you don't even noticed it when you enjoy it.....
It ignores and leaves you alone whenever you are in need of it...........
It is cruel enough to torture you when you hate it..........
It is so emotionless that sometimes you even want to curse it......
It can be so bothering around you when you don't even want it......

it travels alone at its own pace........
it has done no wrong............
yet,
It is hated by most.....

but,
It is to be appreciated
for if one do so,
It can be the best moment of ones life.......................................

Look up........ and also down

We always look up to those who are better than us.....
and most of us, we envy them, especially those that have a better life then us....
although some to the extent of feeling jealous towards them.....
they have gigantic houses, drive luxurious cars while we sit in a proton.... ha....
we know very well that what the rich have is a luxury that we ordinary person could not afford....
yet, we still often compare ourselves with them.....
thinking and complaining why can't we be like them.....

We have to think rationally.... True there are people who are better than us....
But the question remains - are we the worst..? NO.....
There are so many people that are worst than us.....
We may only own a car, but many may only own a motorcycle...
We may own a motorcycle, but many can't even afford a motorcycle.....
We are able to have our meals everyday and can't finish our meals, maybe.....
But to some, to have a perfect meal is always a problem....
Some have to starve for a few days before they have something to eat....
and some even resort to violence just to have a little bite on food......

It is not wrong to look up on those better than us in order to improve ourselve.... BUT...
in the mean time, we must also look down.....
and we must know that there are many people who are having lives that are WORST..... then us....

Therefore, we must always feel satisfied with what we have today...
and appreciate it.........................

Crapbag

A bag of crabs is a bag of crap,
A bag of crap is a bag of crabs,
I don't like crabs but I like to crap,
I hope that you love the way I crap,
And live happily together with crabs......

HAHAHA........................... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......

SWT............ (-_-''')